• Ravneet Kaur

Quicksand


I was admitted in the hospital. After the nurse hooked me up to the ECG monitor and IV fluids, the doctor started to ask me questions while they were examining me. I was grunting with pain which indicated to be a symptom of pancreatitis or an infection turned nasty. The doctor told me that my body went to a septic shock which promoted tachycardia and pain. The fever was alarmingly high.

I shut my eyes for a while, trying not to feel anything. I was aching every time I had to move my body to turn sides. The nurse was very supportive. She kept reassuring me that I am safe now and they will take good care of me. They gave me an acute pain killer which seemed to ease my pain a bit and soon I drifted off to sleep for sometime.

I woke up to my heart rate monitor beeping continuously. My blood pressure was really low. I felt nauseatic and a strong urge to vomit. I asked them for a vomit bag and puked bile out. It pained me so much that I had tears flowing down my eyes just from the sheer pain it caused me. The doctor informed me that they have asked for a physician to have a look and examine me to determine what was actually wrong with me.

After two hours or so, a doctor walked in and introduced himself as my physician. His name was Peter.

He looked at my heart rate monitor and questioned the incharge about my vitals. My heart rate was still over the top and my blood pressure was very low. They said they have given me more than 2 litres of IV fluid in a couple hours and my body was still not responding to it.

I was looking at Peter going through all of my reports, trying to read his expressions. After a while, he said to the doctor things are not looking good for me. He went on saying that they need to consult with the ICU team if I do not recover soon as the septic shock had made it hard for them to control my vitals.

My tachycardia was still a major issue and my bp was very low. While listening to them, I tried looking at the heart monitor, trying to introspect for why was it happening to me and why was I not able to control my heartbeat?

Well in situations like those, you seem to know the answer already but you still feel like you have some sort of control over your body but sheer reality is you don't and that sent me into a panic attack. I started to have trouble breathing and panicking. All the nurses and the doctors tried to calm me down but I was loosing my mind feeling helpless, missing my family wishing if someone anyone from my family could have been next to me at that time and tell me that it gonna be okay.

I felt like I would sink but at that exact moment a nurse touched my hand and said that its all gonna be okay. They called over the ICU team because my condition was worsening. I was conscious but motionless. I could listen to everything the doctors were discussing about me but I couldn't do anything to make myself feel any better. I was actually scared for my life at that point. The thoughts of death were taking over, like vultures circling over its prey, patiently waiting for the life in me to leave. I thought that I will die and I wouldn't even be able to say goodbye to anyone. The thought shook me to my core. I laid there in silence just contemplating on reality, gathering the strength that I need to swim out of this quicksand.

A couple of minutes later, I vomited again. I was told that I will be having an ultrasound done to rule out any possibility of a kidney or gall stones or pancreatitis. After a while, the ICU team came over.

In a sea of stranger faces, I saw someone familiar. One of my uncles had came over to the hospital to see me. I couldn't control my tears and started cried looking at him. He asked me how I was doing and told me that he is gonna visit everyday and get me food, that was very nice of him.

The ICU team checked everything and they asked the doctor to keep them up to date with my condition as if I do not get stable, they would have to move me to the ICU, the thought of which shook me to the core.

It was about time for the ultrasound. The nurse gave me some medicines for nausea and it made my eyes so heavy, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Somehow, they got the ultrasound done and then told me that they will move me to a ward. It was almost evening. I was shifted into a ward but I do not have much memories of, because of the strong dosage. I slept for the rest of the night until a nurse woke me up to give me meds and check my vitals. That was my first day at the hospital.

#quicksand #peter #hospital #IV #fever

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ravneet2105@gmail.com

NSW, Australia