They say bad times are good times to prepare for better times. For a chronic ill person, the time might stop at the bad, at any given point. It's like living under a loaded gun and wondering when the trigger might just go off, just like that. The preparation for better times might just not happen for some of us.
The anxiety generated with the feeling of unease every turn you take, every medicine you miss and living and dealing with the everyday struggle while pretending to be normal makes itself a permanent state of mind. I sometimes wonder if my spirit animal would be a duck, looking very calm over the surface while flapping its legs like crazy underneath.
The night started pretty rough. I was twisting and turning with pain initially in my bed but then I gave in to the pain and slept. I had a weird dream. I was dreaming about talking to my friends. I asked them whether I should call an ambulance and they kept asking me to count till 10. If I felt okay counting then I have nothing to worry about if I can't I should call for help. I tried counting. I did well till the number 3 but I couldn't recall the rest of it. I was looking at them laughing when I just couldn't count after the number 3.
I kept telling myself I should call an ambulance and my friends kept asking me to but I just couldn't make that call. This was one of those lucid dreams when everything feels surreal, like you want to do something but you just could not wake up. As if you are in some sort of coma and the abyss has an inception over your sleep. You try to request your brain to communicate with your body and it just keeps ignoring you while you keep trying not to fall for the comfort, or you might just not wake up ever from this dream.
I woke up panicking. It was around 5 AM. My sheets were wet with my sweat. My clothes were soggy, soaking wet. I sprung out of bed, grabbed my phone and called 000. A girl on the other end answered asking me how could she help. I was shivering and my voice was croaky. I could barely speak.
I just utter "Ambulance".
Upon recollecting myself, I tried explaining to her that I had a bad fever. She told me that she will put me through to a nurse who can help me out . She thought of me as one of the false alarms. I said okay and waited for the nurse. The nurse started asking me more questions.
I tried to be patient but within the next 2 minutes, I lost it. I got very anxious and tried telling her that I am not well at all and I wouldn't call if I was just worried about the fever. She asked me twice if I was sure that I wanted an ambulance and I said yes so she put me on back to emergency. I told them my address and hung up waiting for them to show up at my door.
I changed my clothes, packed some essentials and I heard a bang on my door. I quickly fed my cats and kissed them goodbye. The paramedic who was at my door asked me if I was okay to walk down the stairs I nodded and started to walk down the stairs grunting in pain. As I got in the ambulance they checked my vitals quickly. My blood pressure was very low and my pulse was going off the roof around 138 bpm. I had a really high temperature.
Both of the paramedics looked at me and asked me if I was alright. I nodded my head. One of them tried to put a cannula in but because I was so dehydrated she couldn't.
She asked me the whole story. I told her everything while they drove me to the hospital which is a short drive from my place. They took me in and while they were exchanging the transfer with the hospital I was feeling very cold. I asked them for a blanket but they told me that because I have very high fever they want me to feel cold so that my body temperature could come down a bit.
I had to wait for almost half an hour to actually get a bed as there was a team meeting for the hospital staff. After everything said and done, I was taken to one of the beds.
By the time, I was shivering with cold.
One of the nurses got me changed to a hospital gown and quickly hooked me up to a heart rate monitor and did my ECG, that's when I got told that because of continuous fever and dehydration I had developed severe tachycardia and my blood pressure was very low.
The Emergency doctor came over to speak to me. He asked me some questions and while doing so he put a cannula in. They put me on IV fluids in an attempt to fix the tachycardia and dehydration and my blood pressure.
Here I was in the same hospital where one night before I laid on the bench outside, waiting for someone to attend to me and finally gave up because they didn't consider me an emergency case.