God gave us mouths that close and ears that don't. That must tell us something.
As for me, well, soon the world will know the truth. That this world may have heroes, but only that one figure in the mirror can make a difference. This world is my neighborhood. I walk this earth, drive through empty streets at night, watching from the darkness.
Forever in darkness.
A guardian devil.
Who knows maybe, even the devil feels alone at times.
We all need someone to talk to and unfortunately listening is not everyone's forte.
I think anyone who has ever been close to animals know perfectly well that animals have personalities and mind and feelings. These creature's minds can intimately connect to your persona and a pet can be your pal in no time.
I have been living by myself since 2014, I've managed to get myself employed at a number of casual jobs, trying to make ends meet.
Isn't it easy to ignore depression as an actual ailment, because it doesn't changes you visually, right?
There was a time, when I was struggling with depression.
It won't hurt at first. It's just your head, you see?
You find yourself in hurt, guilt, pain, weakness, absence of affection and strength, an absinthe of feelings. An absolute numbness takes over you as it sears the nerve endings shut, killing them.
You'll go into shock, and all you'll feel is cold. Isn't science fun?
I used to cry myself to sleep. There are occasions when it fades away momentarily but It never goes away, no matter how upbeat you keep yourself, there are always moments every now and then that reminds you of your loneliness.
Then you meet someone who seems understanding.
However, it's just a matter of time before they are inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the love colored glasses. To pursue natural logic. This is not tranquility.
Self Realization is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not Self Realization. Freedom.
My experience with humans has not been very good. I am a very difficult person to deal with.
Then there are people who likes me when I go out of my way to do things for them but when I expect something from them, they are no where to be seen.
There have been a lot of instances like those, which I guess was one of the biggest reason that drove me towards seeking pets as my amigos. I had pet dogs back at home in India. My first was a white Pomeranian. Grandmother named him as Dabbu. He was a tiny puppy who used to drink milk out of his bottle, and he drank a lot of milk.
I was 4. My grandmother used to care for him. I used to love playing with him. He used to greet my dad every evening when he used to get back from work. Dabbu stayed with us for many years. He died of old age when I was 15 years old, I cried my eyes out that day. It felt like a part of me died with him that day.
My uncle got me a black Pomeranian whom I named Tyson. He was a playful chap, always getting into trouble with my mother. I had him for couple of years until one day when he got into a brawl with street dogs and they bit him to rest. This was just before I left India.
Dogs are an expensive gene and a responsibility to be pledged to. While, cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. I used to look up for buying a cat over the internet, but never actually went ahead the curve.
Finally, In march 2017 I decided to bring a Russian blue cross home.
I looked at him, and I knew he was IGOR.
He is an oppressor, yet so adorable who kept me company all day long.
I loved playing with him all the time, but I used to go to work in the evenings so I had to leave him in the room with his toys and food. You know there's just one problem with the kittens, they grow up to be Cats, and Igor was a huge one.
He grew up to be a loner, he likes to be left alone and show up only once in a while for me to pat him and hug him. When he was a kitten, he used to sleep on me, now he sleeps on my blanket using my legs as a pillow.
I still remember the tremendous effort I put in to teach him how to use the litter. I was dancing with joy when he first used it. Apart from the tantrums, he is a well behaved indoor cat.
When at times, I had to stay out late for work, it made me wonder if Igor feels alone at home all day because he gets to go out only at fortnights.
In Feb 2018 I adopted another kitten, a Bengal cross this time and I named him THOR.
Instead of growing up grumpy as his mater, Thor turned out to be the most cheerful and friendly cat I could imagine. He is a total counter-pole of Igor, He is the cuddly one and tends to lick my face early in the mornings. They both are the apple of my eyes.
The days I feel off color I just stay in, talking to both of them and it gives me so much strength and yes I do talk to my pets about everything.
With everything I have to deal with in a day, it feels good to come home to them and just snuggle up with them and sleep, and they do have enormous patience for my limitations.
Igor and Thor, the Humor and laughter- not necessarily the derogatory derision - are my pets.
This may come from my general philosophy of never taking the world too seriously - for fear of dying with the seriousness, sorry my plate is already full to think about it.
I hope yours is too.