The Tears Not Shed

How does God speaks to us? Does he speaks to us in an audible voice or through silent whispers straight to our heart? They say that God listens to the tears never shed and the words never said. They say that the prayers are a doorway through which he listens to your heart's deepest desires. I have spoken to him.

I spoke to him while I was sitting in the ambulance, holding my father's hand in mine while we almost lost him but I wasn't sure if God will listen to me. What if he was busy taking care of a thousand different things in the world? I continuously kept looking at father's face, trying my best to console him while he was fighting a battle. The ambulance was not fast enough. An hour of that journey felt like never ending. We were drifting towards the hospital. I kept praying silently.

With hope in the heart, and an uncertain fear in my mind, we finally reached the hospital. Following the ambulance in a car were my mother, aunt and father's friend Sachin. I took one last look at the ambulance to make sure we didn't leave anything inside. By the time I turned around, they had already placed father on a stretcher and were taking him to the emergency department. Sachin uncle went alongside me in the ward, leaving everyone else in the waiting area.

When we entered, the staff was attaching a heart monitor and cannulas to his body. My phone was blowing up constantly with messages and calls. I turned it silent and kept it aside. I watched helplessly as they prodded him with needles. A sensation of unease was hovering upon me. It was an unbearable sight. I had my hands folded while I kept praying in my breaths.

After thoroughly examining him, the resident doctor explained to us what he thought happened to father and what they might do for his treatment. In layman terms, a heart attack occurs when the flow of blood to the heart is stopped. The blockage is made up mostly of fat, cholesterol and other substances which forms a plaque in the coronary arteries, stopping the supply of blood to the heart.

The doctor explained the treatment procedure. He told us that they will try to stabilize his body as heart attacks can be fatal, if not treated immediately. I kept looking at father, while listening to him. I kept nodding my head in agreement. He asked me to get him admitted and complete his paperwork as soon as possible, so that they can start with the procedure.

I went out and explained the same to mother. Although with all that was going on, I don't believe she understood much about the biological hoopla, but she simply passed along her wallet to me to pay them for starting the treatment. After the formalities were done, they took father away for a chest X- ray. Sachin and me went along.

At this point, I was a bit relieved that at least we got to the hospital on time. Father was in safe hands now. I felt like God listened to me praying.

After the X-ray, they took him to CCU, the Cardiac Care Unit which is like an ICU for Cardiac patients. We were asked to wait outside. Ayush showed up at the hospital as well. I didn't think he would come over all the way but it was so sweet of him to do so.

We were all waiting in anticipation for the visiting hours. As the hour approached, we were directed to go in to see him one by one. I decided to send Ayush in to check on father's reports. He went in and introduced himself to father. He then checked all his reports and came out announcing that father was doing a bit better now. We all gave out a sigh of relief and thanked the God for bestowing mercy upon father.

After that I went in and tell you me, it took so much heart for me to not shed a tear in front of him.

I looked at him. He was pale and seemed so feeble, just conscious enough to talk and reply. It broke my heart to see him like that. He asked about his phones, to which I assured him that I had both his phones and was attending to his phone calls, taking messages for him. After me, mother went in and came out crying. No one could share that woman's state of mind at that instance. We all tried consoling her, assuring her that father will be fine and will come home to her.

Once the visiting hour was over none of us were allowed back in. We all went to the reception area. I crashed on one of the chairs. It was around noon now. In all that hustle and worry, I realized I forgot to take my glucose meter or any diabetes essentials I usually carry. I hadn't even brushed my teeth or washed my face since I left home. A cup of coffee seemed like a temptation but I was hesitant to eat or drink anything without checking my levels. I tried fighting off the longing, but finally gave in to my hunger and the headache I get without my coffee.

Sachin uncle took me and Ayush out to have a cup of coffee and some snacks. Over the coffee, we had an interesting discussion about India and what all has changed in time I wasn't here. They tried hard to convince me about the education system and health system reforms but I think there is still a lot that needs to be improved.

We finished our coffee and went in with some food and drinks for mum and aunt. There was a gloomy aura across the room. Everyone looked concerned. I tried to convince them all that its all gonna be fine, that we were winning the war now but little did I know that there was another calamity coming in.

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